On turning thirty, part 1

As some of you know, I turned thirty on Tuesday.

It hit home last month that I was turning thirty. That my twenties would be behind me, along with any possible claim to young-adulthood.  Now I'm just an adult.

I do not feel like an adult.

I do not feel thirty. I feel twenty-three and fourteen and five.  I don't have a college degree or kids or a house, or anything at the moment that counts as a stable career.

I serve coffee for a living, recently pared down my wardrobe to exclusively jeans and solid color tee-shirts, and live in an apartment that is only slightly less messy than my room when I was in high school.  My idea of cooking is to throw a can of soup in a bowl and stick it in the microwave. I'd be happy eating deli turkey and apples for breakfast for the rest of my life.

I'd rather watch M.A.S.H. and Murder She Wrote reruns than talk about politics or the economy. I'd rather spend an hour networking online than answer the phone when I'm tired.  I forget to call people back all the time; I forget to return emails.  I take long naps in the middle of the day.  I avoid driving whenever possible.

I'm still obsessed with books. I read every time I get a break at work. I can read and walk at the same time. I fall asleep imagining myself into my favorite stories, just like I did in elementary school. I rack up fines at the library and cheerfully pay them just so I can check out more books.  I have a huge vocabulary, yet consistently pronounce words the wrong way.

When I'm not watching movies/TV or reading, I'm playing let's-pretend. I believe in fairy tales and hokum. I put words down on paper and declare them crap, and then spend hours rearranging them. I worry about what ice dragon scales should feel like and how cats sound when they laugh.

I get paid for none of this. I may never get paid for it.

I do not care.

The world tells me this is not what an adult should be and do.

I don't care about that either.

But for a brief period of time last month, I wondered... if I should.


  1. I love that you're secure with who you are and you make no apologies for it :) I turned thirty last month and it didn't occur to me at all that I was getting old. It just feels like entering a new stage in my life where I can reinvent some of the things I didn't like about the old life (my twenties) and add the new things I've always wanted in my life.

  2. Happy Birthday. You are so young. I'm 53 and sometimes still don't feel like an adult and certainly not that age. Though the adult responsibilities and worries of life sadly press around me often. Enjoy your thirties. Mine were fun.

  3. Hey, who says you have to be an adult anyway? I mean, you make your own choices, if you like your life, that's probably pretty good - it puts you ahead of an awful lot of 'adults' who hate their jobs/lives. The only problem I can see is possible isolation, but if you avoid that, heck, that's awesome! :) Go you! :) Keep writing.

  4. If you feel twenty-three and fourteen and five...that's part of what makes you a good writer! Embrace your child-like self.

    I will turn thirty-five this year. I have a husband and kids and a house and a day-job, but I still feel like a kid half of the time.

  5. Good for you! You've entered your thirties with a spectacular attitude! Happy happy birthday, Miriam!!!

    One of my favorite quotes, which is especially good for those concerned about birthdays: "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."

  6. Nah...don't feel thirty! Cause I've just got a year and half left before I'm supposed to feel that old, and I don't wanna!

  7. Happy birthday. But I have to say that even in writing this, your talent for writing shines. I felt like I should read more and forgot that these things you wrote about were...errm...REAL! :)

  8. Cindy- I LOVE that perspective on entering a new stage. And it is nice to be able to reinvent some things. :)

    Natalie- Thank you! I have a feeling that I'll never feel as old as my driver's license says I am, and I think you just confirmed that. *grin*

    Bethany- Woo hoo! I don't have to grow up! And I agree with you, I've known way too many adults who are miserable to think that that is the way to go. (And I do work on the isolation thing.) Thanks!

  9. Rebecca- Oh, good point! People ask me, "is it hard to think like a kid?". And I just laugh... I'm beginning to suspect that the older you get, the younger you feel.

    Laura- Why thank you! And thank you for the quote too, that's a great reminder!

    Beth- Me neither! Do you have a map to Never-Never Land lying around somewhere? We could go be Lost Boys and never grow up. (or Lost Girls, or whatever.)

    Jaycee- Aw, thank you! *blushes* I must admit was skeptical when people said regular blogging improves your writing skills, but even my husband has commented on the improvement. I appreciate the encouragement!


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