No one ever told me my apartment had a wormhole.

So, you know when you have a box of odds and ends that you don't know what to do with, and you just put it in the closet for later? Do you know what happens to that box?

Or do you know where the mate to your sock went?

Or that wrench you swore was in the toolkit, and now you can't find it?

I know what happens to those things. THEY WIND UP IN MY HOUSE.

My house is the locus for a cosmic wormhole, a rift in time and space that dumps random matter into our living room. I'm serious! It's the only explanation for the sheer amount of STUFF we have.

Here's the deal. My husband and I are dancing on the edge of the poverty line. (Usually the conga, but every now and then we bust out some funny white-people hip-hop.)





Anyway.

In the year- and-a-half we've been married, I've gone clothes shopping once (Payless and Savers) and he's gone clothes shopping once. (JCPenny- with a gift certificate we got for Christmas.) We don't buy music, we don't buy movies, we don't buy anything but food and gas and Christmas/birthday presents. Yet our house overflows with stuff.

Now, theoretically, this should be explainable. He had a lot of stuff when we got married, I had a lot of stuff when we got married, and we just haven't finished sorting it yet.

Except for one thing. No matter how much stuff we get rid of, the overall stuff level hasen't changed. It's got to be a wormhole.



This wouldn't be a bad thing, except we are moving out of our apartment in a month. (Not out of Boise-that's in June.) And I have to collect all this stuff. And organize it. And pack it in boxes.

AAHHHH!!

Anyone know where I can get a black hole cheap?

11 comments:

  1. It's the perfect time to purge.
    But the new theory I heard it that they've found the escape portals of black holes. That all that light and matter just dumps out elsewhere into space. So the junk may just move from one room to the next.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Miriam,
    Get 2 boxes to start. One is for stuff to keep (and pack), one is for stuff to throw away (empty in garbage, and refill), and one is for stuff to give away (for stuff that you don't need, but isn't garbage worthy. It is a good system, and you feel OK only keeping a third of your stuff. I do it on a regular basis.
    Looking forward to seeing you up here.
    Diane Mc

    ReplyDelete
  3. I sympathize with you and say "ditto", on many levels. :)

    However, we've moved three times in the last nine months, and in the next two months we will move two more times, so I've gotten pretty good at throwing away/giving away every single thing that we don't absolutely have to take with us.

    Moving should solve some of your problems. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have a theory... think of it as a financial status. If someone only has a hundred dollars and they spend $90 buying groceries, they only have $10 left. But if a millionare spent $90 on groceries, they're still a millionare.

    So, if someone that doesn't have a lot of stuff gets rid of some stuff, they have less stuff. But people - like you - who have a lot of stuff can get rid of stuff... but they still have a lot of stuff.

    Wow... I don't think I've ever used the word "stuff" that much in one paragraph. But that's my theory at least.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You do too buy movies! I've seen the madness! Sure their clearance- but still! ;) -Rachel

    ReplyDelete
  6. PJ- Dang, I knew that sounded too easy...

    Diane- Thanks for the advice! And I look forward to seeing you too.

    Renee- Yes, I am looking forward to setting up house with less stuff. :-) It's getting there that's the pain.

    Nic- I wish my stuff was worth a million dollars. :-) And congrats on your major use of the word "stuff". You have become a true Jedi now...

    Rachel- What? *sputter* Most of that was bought before we got married. Okay, we have bought, um... I think three movies so far. I stand corrected. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ah you have more stuff - it is in our stuff depository. I am sure it is more stuff than you realize.

    Actuality the amount of stuff you really have is an exponential factor of the stuff you think you have. We also have other kids stuff too. This means:

    S = x^2+(M+B+L)^2

    Where S= is all the stuff we actually have

    X=our stuff and;

    M, B, & L = our respective kids’ stuff

    Now the second law of stuff holds that V is less than S where v= volume of the place you store your stuff, e.g. the house, garage, rented stuff black whole, etc.

    This means that the laws of stuff do not follow the Newtonian laws, since two pieces of stuff can occupy the same space at the same time.

    Science cannot yet explain this phenomenon but hopes are high that the 12 dimensions of string theory and a final unifying field theory will yield an explanation.

    P.S. I like this response so much I am going to use it as my next blog entry

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nooo! For the love of cheescake, no more stuff! :-) (And if you post this as a blog, I totally want a link.)

    PS. I'm pretty dang sure I have less stuff in there than B and L. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Check My Blog for The Laws of Stuff

    ReplyDelete
  10. I use the rule of when was the last time I actually looked at this or even touched it? With clothes that I don't really want to get rid of but hardly wear, I try them on and see how they fit, if its the least bit of an "ehhh not really working for me" it goes in the goodwill bag. I got rid of so much STUFF when I moved from Moscow in December. It actually felt great! Goodwill made out good!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am pretty sure its L+M=B Meaning that the amount of stuff L and M have is equal to the amount that B has all together.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Click on "Older Posts" for more random amusements!


Fabric art in the header by Carol Riggs.